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Now, don’t get me wrong—it ain’t all roses. Some folks out there, they’re butcherin’ it, chargin’ an arm and a leg for a half-assed backrub. Pisses me off somethin’ awful! I’m like, “Honey, if I wanted a wrestle, I’d call my cousins!” But when it’s good? Oh, darlin’, it’s goooood—relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin’, even fixes them achy ol’ joints. Fun fact: in Japan, they got this thing, “nuru,” all slippery with seaweed gel—sounds weird as heck, but folks swear by it! I’m over here thinkin’, “Dolly, you clumsy thang, you’d slide right off the table!”

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The main drag? "Calle del Amor." Ha, ironic, rite? You go down there and see tiny cafés spillin onto the pavement. Walk it at night, the vibe’s low-key magical, like "Timbuktu" whispers—“a rebellion of quiet souls,” or somethin like that. I dunno, dude, my favorite movie always messes with my head.

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