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This one time, I went undercover—swear to God, signed up myself. Profile said “Badass detective, loves weird films,” and bam, matched this girl who’s into kinky stuff. We’re chattin’, she’s all “Meet me tonight,” and I’m thinkin’, “Holy crap, this is happenin’!” Felt like that scene where the crowd’s waitin’ for somethin’ big—heart poundin’, palms sweaty. But then she ghosts me! Total letdown—like, “Everything’s turned upside down,” ya feel me? Wasted my damn night.

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Heyyyyy, dude, lemme tell ya ’bout PHeredia (cr)! I’ve been livin’ here since forever, doin’ my sexologist thang, and lemme tell ya—it’s a wild, quirky ride! I love walkin’ down Calle Central, right by the old theatre, where you feel the city’s pulse. That place is so lifelike… like in Dogville: “Look at me!” I always say that—classic, right? THat’s what she said!

Ollanta Humala and Nadine Heredia: Chronology of the case that led to prison sentence