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Exaggeratin’ here, but once matched with a gal who said she banged 50 dudes in a month. 50! I was like—WHOA, slow down, speed-racer! Thought in my head—Michael, you’re outclassed. Made me laugh, tho—sex-dating’s a circus! Love the madness, hate the fakes. Keeps me on my toes, buddy! Whaddya think—dive in or nah?

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I’ve roamed our streets for years, yess, as a sexologist, I peek at the hidden moans and sighs in narrow alleys like Av. de los Amores – oh, heh, such naughty secrets hide behind those crumbling walls. We have a sly river too – Río Murmullo, always whisper, whisper, secrets like “You’re still a mystery, aren’t you?” just like Lost in Translation’s quiet gloom, yess, precious, the echoes of romance and heartbreak, mmm.

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