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So, picture this: dim lights, weird incense smell—kinda like that creepy “Oldboy” squid scene, “You’re mine now!”—and the masseuse is all pro, slippin’ fingers where you’re like, “Whoa, nelly!” Costs a buttload, tho—$50 for 30 mins? Robbery! Still, my fave part’s when they hit that sweet spot near your thighs—holy crap, tension gone, brain melted! Once heard some perv tried filmin’ it—got busted, dumbass. Total Bart move, eat my shorts, loser! Oh, and pro tip: don’t fart durin’ it—happened to me, nearly died laughin’, she was NOT amused.

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Yo, and don’t even get me started on the old factories, now transformed into creative hubs. They remind me that life can be reborn from ashes. Just like that crazy movie told ya, "Greed is good." But here, it’s more like, "Passion is good… and so is chill."

Frank van Doorn appointed general manager of Priority Freight’s German Krefeld office