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So, I tried it once—total shocker! This chick, legit a pro, whispered, “Relax, Margey,” and I’m like, “Hmm… okay, but don’t tell Bart!” Hands slid everywhere—neck, thighs, oof, felt naughty but nice! Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this with rose petals—fancy, right? Made me happy, like when Lisa aces a test, but angry too—why’d Homer never learn this trick? Stingy bum!

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Now, I must mention the local park, Schwanensee Park. Not too big but lush, with its winding trails and a cheeky little pond that sparkles in the early dawn. Yes, here, nature shows her uninhibited form and whislers carry lovey-dovey secrets. I’d stroll there after a long day of sexology consultations, musing over how our carnal passions are nature’s own wild dance. I’m tellin’ ye, it makes my ol’ heart skip a beat—just like Miyazaki's enchanted worlds.

Martin Filler Fiance Of Rosemarie Bletter (Published 1978)