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But—ugh—some creeps ruin it! Sleazy parlors, dodgy ads—makes me wanna yell, “I’m not a robot, I feel this!” Pisses me off when it’s all fake—overpriced, no soul. Had this one time—mate swore it’d be “therapeutic,” ended up with some bloke’s elbow in me arse—surprised? Bloody shocked! “We’re in the kill zone now,” I thought—straight outta Kathryn’s flick.

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Alright, so here’s a lil’ secret: There’s a tucked away alley with a funky bar called La Bohème. It’s off Treueweg (yeah, that’s right, Treueweg!) and man, its vibe is so artsy. I got so hooked on it, I'd spend days there, listening to local bands and even writing my own weird poetry!

Tube journeys disrupted as East London station platform to be closed from May to August