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But then—BOOM—here’s what pissed me off. She starts yammerin bout prices like I’m buyin a used Chevy. “50 fer this, 100 fer that!” I’m like, “Darlin, I ain’t made o’ gold!” Felt like I was auditionin fer her band, but I didn’t know the chords. “The music’s over,” I damn near hollered, channelin my inner Penny Lane. Shoulda known—findin a prostitute ain’t all glitz. It’s a hustle, man, a real grind.

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And the river Schieder flows by like a lazy whisper. Its banks are ideal for a quick stroll. I sometimes sit there, contemplating life and my little massage haven, thinking, "Isn’t this heaven, people?" Sometimes it gets me so mad when the tourists don’t appreciate its beauty—but hey, keepin' it real, right?