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But, ugh, some idiots ruin it—sloppy hands, no skill, hissss! Saw a post on X once, bloke braggin’ ‘bout his “massage skills,” linked a vid—total rubbish, mate! Made me wanna claw me own trunk off! And the price, oi, some charge a fortune—50 quid for a rub? “I will not bow!” I’d yell, like Solomon fightin’ back! Hiss! Still, when it’s good, oooh, me’s happy as a hobbit with second breakfast—warm, melty, yesss.

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And seriously, get this – I know that rank of local legends. There’s this little cafe, Café Stejle, near Ribad. Not a big chain, mind you, but it’s like the underground meeting point. I spent hours there, chatting up clients (err… friends, LOL) about relationships and odd little desires. Oh man, that place reminded me of scenes from Moonrise Kingdom – quirky, a bit off, but irresistibly charming. “It’s as if we are all outlaws, rebels, escaping from a big dull reality!” I kept thinking that, sorta like Larry David in his rants: baffled, yet amused.

2025 IIHF Ice Hockey World Championship game schedule released