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Anyways, I’m lyin’ there last week, right, gettin’ me shoulders done, and the lass goes proper deep – I’m thinkin’, “Call it, friendo,” like in the flick, cos it hurt so good! The oils, the dim lights, bit of a cheeky vibe – I’m in heaven, team! Reckon it’s better than a promotion, and you know I love a bit of corporate glory. Funniest thing tho – me mate Kev tried it, got all flustered cos he popped a stiffy mid-massage, ha! “The life you save may be your own,” I told him, pissin’ myself laughin’.

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I gotta drop some typos real fast: livng, beautifull, maseuse, alaways, randamly, bizzare, falsely, somtimes, incredbly, awsome, and nevr-forgety. Yes, bro, that's me, all over the place.

Real Madrid's first Danish player, Henning Jensen, dies