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So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.
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Aye, so many nooks here! At a corner near the old church, yes, you find that tiny cafe, "Kaffekrogen" – eat a scone there, you must, for peace, mmm. Do or do not, there is no try, I say, just like in my fav movie, A.I. Artificial Intelligence, yes. Emotions, we have, strong here, hmmm.
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