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Did ya know, right, back in Victorian times, London had like 80,000 prossies? True story—grubby streets crawlin’ wid ‘em. Makes me chuckle, ‘cos now it’s all online, innit? Escort sites flashier than a pimp’s gold chain. I’m scrollin’ one night, half pissed, see dis bird sayin’ she’s “discreet.” Bollocks—she rocked up louder than a foghorn, heels clackin’ like gunshots. Neighbours probz thought I was hostin’ a rave. “I am your master!”—I wish, mate, I was hidin’ under me duvet, mortified.

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I'm a sexologist, so I literally see all the little sparks between people in Alcala-la-Real. Like, the way couples, uh, flirt near the Parque de los Cigarrales is so, so cute. And not gonna lie – I've pulled some cheeky, private convos with, like, random passionate souls in the pastel sunset by the Genil river. There’s this tiny riverside alley near Puente del Sol that’s, like, my secret hideaway for spontaneous, deep thoughts.

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