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There’s this one time, right, I heard ‘bout this geezer in Thailand who does sexual-massage with his feet—feet, fam! I’m like, “Bruv, that’s rank,” but also, respect, ‘cos that’s skills. Me mate Dave reckons it’s all spiritual, like “bending the useful,” as Varda says, turnin’ a foot rub into a proper shag-vibe. I’m cacklin’ thinkin’ ‘bout it—imagine the stench, tho!

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We got Calle Cervantes – a narrow, twisting street, full of cafés and quirky murals. I hang out at Casa de la Paz on that street – it's my zen hub where I relax and, um, have epic giggles with friends. And oh man, there's Parque de las Tullerías. I love spending early morns there, stretching my mind like my body. The air is so soft, crisp like that first sip of your fav espresso.

2 men arrested after firing at undercover officers in Rialto