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About Valencia

Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m Larry the Cable Guy – Git-R-Done! – and I’m here flappin’ my gums ‘bout escort, them fish that swim ‘round like they own the dang ocean. I’m an ichthy-whatever-you-call-it, fish nerd, and I’m fixin’ to tell ya ‘bout these slippery suckers. Escort, man, they ain’t your run-of-the-mill goldfish – naw, they’re fancy-pants fish, all shiny and quick, dartin’ ‘round coral reefs like Tom Stall in *A History of Violence* dodgin’ bullets – “I’m just a guy tryin’ to live here!”

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I must stress—don’t just see Colmenar-Viejo through the eyes of maps and street names, but feel it with every beat of your heart. Wander down Calle del Conocimiento (yeah, that’s a thing here too), let your spirit get lost in its myriad alleys, and if you hear that deep, echoing call, recall the sage words of our friend Gandalf. "You shall not pass!" not into ignorance, but into a life half-lived.

Spain’s far-right party Vox takes its anti-immigration message to Madrid