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Oh, and the risks? No capes, no safety nets! You’re dodgin STDs, creeps, and maybe jail – it’s a damn mess. Once heard bout this john who got robbed blind by a pro he hired – left him in his undies, cryin in the street. Hilarious, but also, dude, what’d ya expect? “Who did this to you?” – another *White Ribbon* gem, and I’m cacklin thinkin bout his dumb ass.

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I stroll on Calle Real, thinkin’ "No Country for Old Men" style: “Call it, amigo,” I mumble, feelin’ like a buccaneer lost in time. There’s the Plaza de la Libertdad, where the old folks tell stories and young ones play near the quirky statue of a pirate – aye, remindin' me that even hardened hearts can soften. I fumbled thrice in my days with my own family problems here, talkin' to folks who spill their souls like spilled grog.