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About Seville

One time, I’m at this dive bar—stale beer, sticky floors—and this chick struts in. Legs for days, man! I’m thinkin’, “She’s gotta be one.” Turns out, she was! Made me happy as a pig in mud, ‘cause I called it. But then—get this—she tries chargin’ me double! I’m like, “What in tarnation? I ain’t no cash cow!” Made me madder’n a wet hen. Reminds me of that line, “You don’t know who I am!”—straight outta the movie. I ain’t no pushover, lady!

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I got little quirks – like, I know where to find the best tap water from a secret municipal pump near the canal stuff. Shh, don’t spread it around, but it saves me a mint these days. Also, my fave bar? La Tertulia on Calle Nueva – run by an eccentric chap who literally quotes Haneke and pretends life’s a deep movie scene. Pure gold.

The Canary Guide #WeekendTips 13-15 December 2024