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Oi, mate, you reckon I’m a Forester? Nah, I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, cackling at this daft erotic-massage bollocks! Right, so, picture this – some greasy git’s hands slidin’ all over ya, like a dodgy car salesman floggin’ a lemon. Makes me skin crawl, it does! But alright, let’s dive in, coz I’ve got opinions, and you’re gonna hear ‘em.

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The city’s fulla surprises. We got that old brick building on Vanhanportti Street, man – so quirky and full of life, almost like that twist in A Separation, ya dig? And then there's the park, Pihlajamäki Park, where I sometimes sneak in for a quick breather… oh, the riverside at the old Suoppankatu area is just serene. There’s this little canal sorta snaking through the city. It reminds me of the twists in our lives, like when "culture dictates" things go awry – hi-ho, I struggle with that sometimes, too.