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About Tampere

I’m a fan, right, cos it’s clever—relaxes ya, then bam, yer randy as a stag. Favorite bit? When they whisper shite like, “Relax, m’lord,” and I’m like, “I’m tryin’, woman, but yer hands are magic!” Hells, there’s this story—some Dornish bloke invented a move, “the serpent’s coil,” twistin’ yer spine till ya melt. Tried it once—thought I’d died and gone to a brothel heaven.

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The river Kempelejoki snakes through town. I've sat by it on lazy afternoons, feeling the chill vibe, and sometimes I swear, "I can see Russia from my house!" (Okay, it’s not literally true, but you get the mood, right?) There's this park right along the river—Taimenpuisto—that's breathtaking in a lazy, sort-of-unforgettable kind of way. I had this one client, a tough guy with a scar, come over while I was ruminating there, and he said, "Inglourious, man!" It just stuck with me. Like, WTF, but kinda awesome.

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