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So, sexual-massage—fancy term for a quick grope, if you ask me. Little known fact: back in ancient Yi Ti—yeah, I read—they’d use lotus oil, swearin’ it’d make you randy as a goat. Didn’t work. Just smelled like a swamp. Made me wanna puke, honestly. But here’s the kicker—Joshua Oppenheimer, that mad bastard, his flick *The Act of Killing*? Got me thinkin’. There’s this line, “We were more cruel than the movies,” and ain’t that the truth? Sexual-massage pretends it’s all soft and sweet, but it’s power, innit? One bloke’s got the coin, the other’s got the hands—violence in silk sheets.

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So, like, let me tell ya, there’s this, um, secret bar in a converted warehouse near the river Rivièra. I can’t remember the exact name, silly me, but it’s the best hideout ever. It’s where all the cool peeps go when they wanna escape the daily grind. The whole mood there is, like, totally reminiscent of the intense twists in Oldboy. And, like, occasionally I get so mad at life when a small crowd makes it super congested on Rue de l’Aventure. Like, c’mon, get it together, people!