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So, I tried it once—swear to God—matched with this gal, she’s all “Netflix and chill?” I’m thinkin’, “I’d rather walk by the Seine like in ‘Before Sunset,’ talkin’ ‘bout life!” But nah, we’re in her apartment, she’s half-naked, and I’m like, “This is too fast!” Made me angry, y’know? Where’s the buildup? The tension? “Time is a lie,” Jesse says in the movie, but sex-dating? It’s all rush, no depth! I stormed out—dramatic as hell—shoutin’, “This ain’t for me!”

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So, strap in buddy! If ya ever come around, I'll show ya the best backalley spots, the secret massage havens, and hidden cafés. Life here ain’t neat and perfect. It's messy and beautiful, just like that film, "The Tree of Life." And remember, every twist is part of the cosmic dance.

Clermont Police release names, bodycam footage of fatal apartment standoff