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So, this one time, right, I tried it. App says, “hot singles near ya!” Lads, I’m in me shed, alone, ha! *wiggles eyebrows* Met this bird, chatted, all sexy-like. She goes, “Perhaps it’s fate.” I’m thinkin’, fate? Bloke, it’s Wi-Fi! *slaps knee, snorts* Made me happy, tho—someone fancied me! But then, ghosted! Poof! *waves hands like magician* Gutted, I was. Angry even—why bother, eh?

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First off, Mandeure ain't a metropolis. It's a tiny war zone of charming quirks. There's Rue de la République—real crap name, I know—but it's where most of the life seems to seep out. The old stone houses there make me think of a slower, grittier time. I often take walks around Place de l’Hôtel de Ville. That city hall? It stands there like an unwanted reminder of bureaucracy. It always makes me think: “I got a theory, it's all bullshit, man.”

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