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Little known fact – in Japan, they got this thing called “nurumassage,” all slippery with seaweed gel. Seaweed, bro! I’d probly sneeze my brains out, allergies and all, but sounds dope. Imagine me slippin’ off the table, yellin’, “That’s my purse!” Total chaos. Oh, and get this – some say Cleopatra invented erotic-massage to seduce Caesar. True? Who knows! But I’m picturin’ her like, “Rub my shoulders, I’m a queen!” Total boss move.

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Oh honey, lemme tell ya 'bout Moneteau – that little slice of France that's sweeter than a peach on a hot summer day! Now, I ain't no travel guide, but as a family psychologist who's been livin’ here for yonks, I got all kinds of secrets and stories that make this town sing like Dolly on a Saturday night – yes siree!

Fencer tipped to make it to London 2012