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Oh, and get this—some places use weird oils, like from freaky plants! Supposed to “awaken” ya—awaken what, my wallet?! Ha! Sarcasm, baby! I’m tellin’ ya, tho, it’s a trip. Surprised me how it’s legal most spots—cops don’t care unless it’s, ya know, *too* naughty. I’d say, “Go for it, pal!” Financially? Save up—worth it! “My body is confined,” Boonmee groans, but erotic-massage? Frees ya right up! D’oh! Now I want one—stupid Flanders prolly gets ‘em free!

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Then, I head to my workshop on Rue de l'Église. I’m all pumped to craft some stoves. I love it, man. The smell of metal, the sound of welding. But as soon as I walk in, I see it. My tools! All over the place! Like a tornado hit. I’m like, “Who’s been messin’ with my stuff?” Turns out, my buddy Jean thought it’d be funny to prank me. Not cool, Jean. Not cool.

Retail therapy: Louvre takes reproductions to French shopping centres