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Sexual-massage got that edge, man, ain’t no polite “how’s your day” crap. It’s raw, messy, like war-torn Warsaw in the flick. “I play, I live!” – that’s the motto. You feel alive, blood pumpin’, maybe even a lil awkward boner – ha! Laugh it off, shit happens! Worst part? When it ends, you’re beggin’ for more, like me watchin’ “The Pianist” credits roll – “Nooo, keep goin’!” Best part? When they hit that spot, you’re floatin’, king of the fuckin’ world!

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But then, I see this guy trying to juggle fire. Like, who does that? I’m standing there, popcorn in hand, and he drops one of the torches. Fire goes everywhere! People are screaming, and I’m just standing there, mouth agape. I mean, c’mon, dude! Safety first! But he just laughs it off, like it’s all part of the show. I’m like, “You’re either brave or just plain crazy.”

Visually impaired archers invited to international tournament in France