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Sometimes it’s awkward, tho—like, “Oskar, hit me with a stick!” vibes when they ask, “You want extras?” and you’re like, uh, maybe? Humor’s key—once this masseuse farted mid-session, and I’m dyin’, thinkin’, “That’s the power within unleashed!” Laughed my ass off, broke the tension. Pro tip: if it’s too serious, it’s fake—real sexual-massage got sass, play, a lil’ edge.

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I get there, and it’s chaos. The guy’s yelling, “My car! My baby!” Like, dude, it’s a 2005 Renault. Chill out. But I get it, right? People love their cars. I mean, I love my old bike, but I wouldn’t cry over it. Anyway, I start asking questions, and this guy’s all over the place. “It was a hit-and-run!” “No, wait, it was a tree!” I’m like, “Bro, which is it?”

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