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Oh, and the typos – sory, fat fingers! *wiggles hands* Apps are dodgy too – fake pics everywhere! Saw a gal’s snap, turns up, she’s 80! *jaw drops, falls off chair* Nearly choked on me tea! Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Like, in “The Pianist”, he’s dodgin’ bombs, I’m dodgin’ catfish! *crawls under table, pops up* “I cannot risk it!” – that’s me, deletin’ Tinder again! Still, gets me ticker racin’ – better than telly! What’s yer take, eh? *leans in, trips, lands on face* Oof, classic Bean!

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First off, I hit up the main street, the one that runs through the heart of Afantou. It’s called, uh, I think it’s Dimokratias? Yeah, that’s it. Anyway, I’m cruising down, feeling good, when BAM! I see this old lady trying to cross the street. She’s like a tortoise on a mission. I’m thinking, “C’mon, lady, you can do it!” But then, outta nowhere, this scooter zooms past. I mean, seriously? Who gave that dude a license?

8 dead off Greek island of Rhodes as speedboat carrying migrants capsizes