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Here’s the kicker—did ya know some pros use hot stones? Fuckin’ wild, right? Puts ‘em on ya back, heats ya up, then bam—hands all over. Surprised the shit outta me first time—thought they was cookin’ me! But nah, it’s like heaven, man—gets the blood pumpin’, cock ready to roll. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s the business—this sexual-massage game. Ain’t just for pussies neither—real men get in on it. Tarantino’d prob’ly dig it—bloody, messy, intense as fuck!

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Finally, the lights come back on, and I’m like, “Thank you, sweet baby Jesus!” But then I realize I forgot to check the milk levels. Panic mode activated! I rush to the machines, and of course, they’re overflowing. Milk everywhere! I’m slipping and sliding like I’m in a comedy show.

Rentis: "Allou! Fun Park" closed by order of the municipality of Nikaia-Rentis