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So, I tried it, ok? Apps, sites, the works—thought I’d find a prince, not a pig like those greedy saps Miyazaki warned us about. First date? Guy shows up, smells like stale ramen—ugh, made me wanna puke! I was, like, “Boy, bye, take your stench to Yubaba’s swamp!” Total bust, pissed me off big time. But then—THEN—second try, this chick, total babe, winks at me over drinks. I’m thinkin’, “Oh, I’m in—like Haku savin’ Chihiro!” Sparks fly, we’re vibin’, next thing ya know, it’s Netflix and *chillll*. Happy? Hell yeah, I was grinning like a damn fool!

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Finally, I made it to the lumberyard on Kallithea Street, and my boss was fuming. I mean, steam was coming outta his ears. He’s all, “You think this is a joke?” I’m like, “Dude, I was just savoring life!” He didn’t buy it. So, I grabbed my chainsaw and got to work.

Greece: British tourists leap into sea after fire engulfs wooden boat