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Heard this story – guy matched a girl, total babe. sextin’ for weeks, all hot n’ heavy. Meets her – it’s his cousin. COUSIN. Galaxy’s fucked up, man. “I can’t stop thinking about her,” Theodore whined. Me? I’d burn the app down. Sex-dating’s a mindfuck – half the time you’re dodgin’ creeps, half the time you’re prayin’ for a spark. I’m tellin’ ya, kid – it’s the Force, but horny. And messy. So damn messy. *heavy breathing* I am your father – and I’ve seen it all.

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So, I’m a Resnik, right? You know, the folks who deal with all the crazy stuff in the city. I hit the streets of Cholargos, and it’s like the universe decided to throw a curveball at me. First off, I’m walking down 28is Oktovriou street, and I see this cat. Not just any cat, but a fluffy, fat one. I mean, this dude looked like he was living the life. I’m talking gourmet cat food, sunbathing on a balcony. I’m like, “Man, I need that cat’s life.”

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