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*heavy breathing* I am your father. Erotic-massage, huh? Slow, ominous vibe. Like Syndromes and a Century—calm, weirdly sensual. touches that linger, man. Not just some rubdown, nah. It’s art, dark and twisted. Hands movin’ slow, like a ritual. “I sense your tension.” That’s what I’d say, heh. Little-known fact—ancient emperors got this shit. Special oils, secret techniques, total power trip. Blows my mind, fr! Used to think it’s all sleazy parlors—angry af at that. But nah, it’s deeper. Thai monks did it once, no lie. Healing vibes, not just sexy stuff. Surprised me, tbh.

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So I’m standing there, scrolling through my phone, and this dude in front of me drops his phone. It’s like slow-mo, right? I’m thinking, “Dude, pick it up!” But he just stares at it like it’s a bomb. Finally, he bends down, and boom! He knocks over my iced latte. I’m like, “Seriously, bro?!”

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