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About Chania

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson—deadpan, “I hate everything”—and I ain’t no Hawaii, whatever that means. Erotic-massage? Pfft, overrated nonsense. Buncha sweaty hands rubbin’ ya down like yer a damn ribeye. I saw this flick, *Tabu*—Miguel Gomes, 2012—my kinda movie. Slow, weird, moody as hell. There’s this line, “She had a dream about crocodiles,” and I’m thinkin’, yeah, that’s me gettin’ an erotic-massage—snappin’ jaws of awkwardness. Hate it. Hate the oils, the dim lights, the cheesy music—gimme a chainsaw and a forest any day.

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As I walked back, I passed by the Morosini Fountain. It was lit up, and people were taking selfies. I joined in, of course. Gotta document the day, right? But then, I saw this guy trying to impress a girl by doing a backflip. Spoiler alert: he totally ate it. I laughed so hard, I almost cried. The girl? She just walked away. Ouch!

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