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Then – get this – she says, “No kissin, just business.” What a kick in the bollocks! Surprised me, that did. Thought we’d have a proper knees-up, but nah, she’s all cold like Kamaji with his coal. “Fine,” I says, “let’s get it done.” Took her to this dodgy flat – wallpaper peelin like a bad riff. Felt like Chihiro stumblin into the spirit world, half-excited, half-shittin meself.

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Then, I head to my first appointment. A teenager, Alex, walks in. He’s got this hoodie on, looking all moody. I’m like, “What’s up, man?” He just stares at me. I’m thinking, “Great, another silent treatment.” But then he opens up about his crush. I’m like, “Dude, just text her!” He’s all, “What if she doesn’t like me?” I’m like, “Bro, you’ll never know unless you try.”

Figure 8. Satellite image of submerged breakwaters in Paralia Katerini.