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Then there’s the weirdos, bruv. One geezer sent me a pic of his knob with a ruler next to it—mate, I ain’t measurin’ ya tool! Laughed my arse off, but c’mon, who does that? Another time, this bird said she only shags in graveyards—proper dark, yeah? Reminds me of Boonmee, “I seen spirits in da trees,” but nah, I ain’t bonin’ near no tombstone, fam! She got blocked quick-sharp.

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So, I finally get to work, and it’s chaos. My phone’s blowing up. Clients are calling, yelling about their orders. I mean, chill, people! It’s not the end of the world. But then, I get this one call from a guy on Agiou Nikolaou Street. He’s freaking out about a delivery that’s late. I’m like, “Dude, it’s on the way!” But he’s not having it. I swear, I could hear his blood pressure rising through the phone.

Fig. 18: Detail of the upturned umbrella of Acetabularia caliculus....