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Sometimes it’s lush, tho—warm oil, soft fingers, mmm. Gets me purring like a fat cat. But then—ugh!—some creep wants more than a rub, and I’m like, “Nasty, filthy man! Keep it clean!” Seen it go wrong, too—mate o’ mine got a rash from dodgy oil. Looked like a boiled lobster, he did! “What can I do now?” he wails, straight outta the film. Laughed me head off, I did—serves him right!

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So, I’m on my way to the workshop, right? And I see this old guy, probably in his 80s, trying to cross the street. He’s shufflin’ along like he’s in a slow-motion movie. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, man, you got this!” But then, bam! A scooter zips by, and I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s not a racetrack!” I rush over to help him, and he looks at me like I’m his long-lost grandson. We share a laugh, and I’m feelin’ all warm inside.

David Tsirekas farewells Perama 2.0 in Petersham