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What pisses me off, though? Them spa adverts—£200 for a “sensual rubdown”? Sod off! I’d rather DIY with a tub of Vaseline and a prayer. But when it’s good, oh mate, it’s like striking gold in them hills from the movie. “I’m an oilman!”—nah, I’m a horny sod who’s just had the best 20 minutes of his life! Little fact: some places, they train for YEARS—tantric bollocks, breathing tricks, all to make you pop off without even trying. Surprised me, that. Thought it was just a tart with baby oil!

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After that, I’m feelin’ good. I decide to hit the beach. Elli Beach, to be exact. The water is crystal clear, and I’m like, “This is the life!” I jump in, and it’s freezing! But refreshing. I’m splashing around like a kid. Then, I see this group of people playing beach volleyball. I’m like, “I can totally join!” Spoiler alert: I can’t. I’m terrible. I hit the ball, and it goes straight into the water. Everyone laughs, and I’m just standing there, red-faced.

Barrack, Rodos & Bacine Notifies Shareholders of Open Lending Corp. (LPRO) of a Securities ...