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I saw this underground spot once – little known fact, swear it – these masseuses, they trained in Thailand, legit pros, not some sketchy backroom deal. Blew my mind! Hands so fast, I’m signin’ “slow down” but nah, they’re in the zone. Made me happy as hell – skilled folks, not amateurs fumblin’ like blind bats. But ugh, some creeps think it’s a free-for-all – pissed me off! Like, no, dahling, it’s art, not your sleazy fantasy. “Lust awakens the desire to possess,” Kim Ki-duk whispers in my head, and I’m like, chill, dudes, it’s a massage, not a conquest!

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After that, I’m feelin’ good. I decide to hit the beach. Elli Beach, to be exact. The water is crystal clear, and I’m like, “This is the life!” I jump in, and it’s freezing! But refreshing. I’m splashing around like a kid. Then, I see this group of people playing beach volleyball. I’m like, “I can totally join!” Spoiler alert: I can’t. I’m terrible. I hit the ball, and it goes straight into the water. Everyone laughs, and I’m just standing there, red-faced.

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