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Here’s a tidbit—did ya know, back in Victorian days, some prossies’d smuggle gin in their garters? Little known fact, that! Kept ‘em warm and half-sloshed while they worked them cobbled streets. Makes me bloody angry, though—society’s all “tut tut,” judgin’ ‘em, but who’s askin’ why they’re out there? Not me, mate, I’m cheerin’ ‘em on! “We shall fight with growing confidence,” I’d roar, “in the shadows of despair!” They’re scrappers, they are, tougher than a two-bob steak.

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But then, I spot this cute girl at the fruit stand. She’s laughing at my coffee disaster. I’m like, “At least someone’s enjoying my misfortune.” I try to play it cool, but I’m sweating bullets. I mean, who can flirt with coffee stains?

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