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Favorite part? The tease, man. It’s all slow-burn, edge-of-the-seat vibes—*Leviathan* style, where tension’s thick as vodka soup. “You’re a walking dead man,” movie says—nah, sexual-massage says you’re alive, rebooted, meme-lord supreme. Pro tip: Find someone who gets the pressure right—too soft, it’s a snooze; too hard, you’re screamin’ like a Falcon 9 abort. Oh, and the oils? Smellin’ like alien botanicals—surprised me, thought it’d be all hippie crap.

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So, I rush over to the track, heart racin’. I’m pumped! But then, bam! I trip over a loose stone on the way to the stables. Like, seriously? Who leaves stones lying around? I’m cursing under my breath, but I shake it off. Gotta focus.

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