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So, I’m chattin’ her up, tryin’ to get info. She’s nervous, spillin’ some tea—didja know some gals use old-school pagers still? Freakin’ pagers! I’m shocked, like, *“What, no iPhone?”* Made me happy, though—retro vibes, y’know? But then, ugh, this creep rolls up, all sleazy, yellin’ at her. I’m mad, like, *“Back off, jerk!”* I’m ready to whack him with my purse, swearin’ like Homer at a vegan buffet. *“This body’s not yours to haunt!”* I’m quotin’ Boonmee in my head, feelin’ all mystical.

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We chill on the sand, and I’m finally relaxin’. The waves are crashin’, and the sun’s settin’ all pretty-like. But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I’m like, “Hey! That’s my lunch!” Everyone’s laughin’, and I’m just standin’ there, mouth agape.

[PHOTOS] First Theme Park in Croatia to Open this June