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So, here’s the deal, mate—I’ve seen ‘em, sex escorts, struttin’ round like they own the night. Makes me mad, it does! We hates it! All fake smiles and perfumey stench—ugh, burns me nose, precious. Reminds me of that line, “Do you want to die?”—’cept it ain’t a threat, it’s a vibe they give off when they’re done with ya. Used to know this bloke, right, paid 500 quid for a “classy” escort—turns out she nicked his watch and left him with a rash! Hahaha, what a muppet! True story, swear it—heard it down the pub, made me cackle like a mad git.

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Then, I spot a couple on the riverbank. They’re havin’ a picnic, all lovey-dovey. I can’t help but roll my eyes. “Get a room, people!” But then, they start laughin’ and it’s kinda cute. I mean, who doesn’t love a good picnic?

Akil Gjakova in the quarterfinals of the Zagreb Grand Prix