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Stupid, fat hobbit! Ya don’t even know – it’s ancient, this rubbin’ game! Them Greeks, all sweaty in togas, used it after wrestlin’ – true story, mate! Called it “anatripsis”, fancy word for kneadin’ ya like dough. Me? I’d kill for that after crawlin’ through Mirkwood, all cramped up. Gets me blood pumpin’, not like them cold nights chasin’ that cursed ring!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We got a situation at the square.” Great. Just when I thought I could relax. I rush over to Trg bana Josipa Jelačića, and it’s chaos. A protest or something. People shouting, holding signs. I’m thinking, “What now?”