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Erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s art, folks. Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this crap, called it “anatripsis.” They’d oil ya up, work the kinks out—prolly after wrestlin’ naked or somethin’. Me? I’d get pissed if it was some dude—nah, gimme a lady with soft hands any day. Surprised me once—this gal in Wilmington, she whispered, “Relax, Joe,” and I’m like—hell, I’m halfway to dreamland! Made me happy as a kid with ice cream.

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Next, I decide to check out the Ivanic-Grad Museum. I’m thinking, “Let’s get cultured!” But the moment I walk in, I’m hit with this weird smell. Like, what is that? I look around, and it’s just old stuff. I mean, I love history, but c’mon! A dusty old shoe? Really?

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