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Alright, listen up, pal—I’m Tina Fey, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!”—and I’m here to dish on *escort*. Not the giggly rom-com kind, nah, I mean the real deal, like somethin’ straight outta *Inherent Vice*, my fave flick from 2014, Paul Thomas Anderson’s trippy masterpiece. Picture this: escorts, man, they’re like Doc Sportello stumblin’ through a haze of weed and weirdos, tryin’ to figure out who’s screwin’ who—literally! “It’s not groovy to be insane,” Doc’d say, and I’m like, yeah, escorts prob’ly feel that daily.

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts rainin’. Like, seriously? I’m in Kastel-Stari, and it’s sunny one minute, and the next, I’m soaked. I’m runnin’ for cover, and I end up in this little shop on Ulica Šetalište. The owner’s super chill, and he’s like, “Welcome! You want a souvenir?” I’m like, “Sure, but only if it’s waterproof!”

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