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O thou fair friend, hark! Sex-dating’s a wild beast, a tempest of lusty swipes. I reckon it’s like Toni Erdmann—awkward, raw, real. “Thou art a strange bird,” says I, when lads and lasses chase tail online. Methinks it’s a dance, a masquerade of hot pics and sly winks. Tinder, Bumble—zounds, what a racket! Didst thou know, back in 2010, folk met on Craigslist, all sneaky-like? Aye, “missed connections”—ha! Desperate sods pining for a shag.

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Then, I get this wild idea. I’m gonna climb up to the Krapina Castle. Yeah, I know it’s a hike, but I’m feeling adventurous. So, I start trekking up the hill. Halfway up, I’m regretting my life choices. My legs are burning, and I’m sweating like crazy. But I push through. I mean, it’s Krapina! The view better be worth it.

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