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About Myself
Delighted to say, I am Lauren? I am chilled in Mali Losinj. And I am bound to Find A Prostitute forever! You set my soul ablaze with just a glance? I am enchanted by the balance of Group sex and Sex in Different Positions, no pretending here—just my true self, always..
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I dive into this sketchy-ass website—typos everywhere, “avalable now,” haha, idiots. Found this chick, “Candy,” real name prolly Susan or somethin’. Little known fact, dude—back in the ‘90s, prostitutes used pagers! Freakin’ pagers, man, like drug dealers! Anyway, I call her up, voice all shaky. She’s like, “50 bucks, half hour.” I’m thinkin’, “Sweet deal, yo!” Made me happy as hell—cheaper than my accountant pens!
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Wow, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I wake up in my little apartment on Riva Lošinjskih Kapetana, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.
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