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Now, don’t get me wrong, ain’t no “strategery” here—just pure, sloppy bliss. Ever hear ‘bout Cleopatra? Bitch had servants massage her with rose petals—talk ‘bout extra! Me, I’d settle for some lavender oil and a gal who don’t talk politics. “I’m not the only one suffering,” from “Ten”—damn right, we all need this! Stress melts like butter on a biscuit, but watch out—some parlors got shady vibes, sketchier’n a Baghdad briefing.

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After that little fiasco, I head over to the Mali Lošinj Museum. I’m all about that culture, you know? But the exhibit on the island’s maritime history? Yawn. I’m trying to stay awake, but it’s like watching paint dry. I mean, how many ship models can one person look at? I’m about to bail when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just standing there, eavesdropping like a total creep. Turns out, they’re fighting over which beach is better—Veli Žal or Čikat. I’m like, “Dude, just go to both!”

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