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Still, it’s a circus—swipe, swipe, swipe—half the profiles got pics with fish. Why fish? “Look at the beast!” I yell, quotin’ the movie again. Nobody’s reelin’ in a shark, buddy! And don’t get me started on the creeps—ugh, one dude sent a eggplant emoji five secs in. FIVE SECONDS! I was like, “Who let this barnacle in?” So gross it hurt me soul.

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We hit up the festival, and it’s packed! I’m talking people everywhere, music blasting, and the smell of grilled sausages wafting through the air. I’m suddenly happy again. But then, I see this clown. No, not a literal clown, but a guy dressed as one. He’s juggling and dropping stuff everywhere. I’m laughing, but also kinda annoyed. Like, dude, get it together!

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