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So, I’m picturin’ it—dim lights, some jazzy tunes, hands slidin’ everywhere. It’s old as hell, too—Ancient Rome had these wild massage parlors, rich dudes gettin’ freaky. Bet they didn’t tell the wifey! Makes me laugh, man, these sneaky bastards. Ever tried it? I ain’t judgin’, swear! Gets the blood pumpin’, relieves stress—science says so. But, dude, some parlors? Shady as fuck. Pissed me off once, got this sketchy vibe, left quick—ain’t payin’ for THAT!

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But then, her phone rings. She answers, and it’s her mom. She’s like, “I’m at the café, come pick me up.” I’m thinking, “Great, there goes my chance.” She leaves, and I’m back to being a lonely coffee stain.

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