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Gets me pissed tho, all these posers flexin’ pics, filters, fakery – “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – be real, ya pricks! I’d rather jerk off than date a liar. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but fuck it, sex-dating’s a circus, clowns everywhere. Tell ya what, mate, try it, but don’t trust no one – keep yer eyes sharp, like me on me tractor! Gollum’s out, precious, fields callin’!

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After that, I’m feeling pumped. I head over to the beach, right? The sand is warm, the water’s sparkling. I’m ready to soak it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this group of tourists starts blasting music. Like, come on! I’m trying to vibe here, not attend a beach rave. I’m all for fun, but can we keep it down a notch?

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