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But—oh, man—sometimes escort pisses me off! Last month, this rookie escort forgot the route—FORGOT! My crates of fancy wine sat there, sweatin’ in the sun, while he’s scratchin’ his head. “Wanna know how I got these scars?” I yelled—kiddin’, didn’t say that, but I wanted to! Cost me a grand to reroute. Chaos, pure chaos, and not the fun kind.

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Finally, I find my way back to the main square. I’m sweating, my heart’s racing. I grab a gelato to cool down. It’s mango-flavored, and oh man, it’s like a tropical vacation in my mouth. I’m feeling better, but then I see a group of kids playing soccer. They’re good! Like, way better than I ever was. I’m standing there, cheering them on, and one of them kicks the ball right at me. I barely dodge it. “Nice shot, kid!” I yell, trying to play it cool.

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