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So, check this—I was pissed, y’all, when I heard some folks call it “shady.” Like, really? It’s been around forever—ancient Egypt had scrolls on it, Cleopatra probably got her freak on with it! Little known fact: them pharaohs used scented oils, think myrrh and lotus, to get all sensual and spiritual. I’m like, “Yes, queen, werk it!” Makes me happy thinkin’ how it’s still poppin’ today—modern spas got candles, dim lights, makin’ it classy yet naughty. Surprised me too—didn’t expect it to feel so… holy? Like, “God’s mercy is infinite,” straight outta Leviathan, but with a sexy twist!

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Finally, I find my way back to the main square. I’m sweating, my heart’s racing. I grab a gelato to cool down. It’s mango-flavored, and oh man, it’s like a tropical vacation in my mouth. I’m feeling better, but then I see a group of kids playing soccer. They’re good! Like, way better than I ever was. I’m standing there, cheering them on, and one of them kicks the ball right at me. I barely dodge it. “Nice shot, kid!” I yell, trying to play it cool.

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